I got overwhelmed juggling school and earning money working part-time at a fast food place, failing at both by the way, until I got the closest to a nervous breakdown I will probably ever have, although past the failing and the fatigue and general hopelessness I think the worst was not feeling like I had a purpose or was fighting for anything besides my own success, which I decided was the purest, non-hypocritical way of being idealistic about the world. I guess a part of growing up, and not yet being a full grown-up is not having any measure to approve myself by. I kept overthinking the future-- what if I graduate? What if I find a job? Graduation scares me, it's so final. I felt like I would stop learning and it also meant I had to have learned something to show for it, but I really felt so painfully normal, and a part of me really felt like that would never change (would I ever stop being normal?) so it all leads to... this track I'm on--what's the point?
This summer was spent in Korea with the main themes being psychology/therapy, deep unresolved family issues, and hello- Korea. I am Korean born btw, so its alot of self-reflection happening. Is Korean society really superficial and politically corrupted as I grew up hearing from my parents? I keep asking myself, why did they leave? I would have had so much in common with kids if I grew up here! And I also thought about the role of mental health treatment in Korea, if I could make a difference here hmm... until the idea of working again tired me out. The benefit of Korea is that there are more obvious things to 'fix' than in Canada. I realized I've been creating problems just to solve them...to the point where I'm more or less incomprehensible to my friends. and family. and teachers. Yes I'm a very misunderstood brooding thinker. Canadian youth and their political zeal... I realized there's little point in being politically forward when some of the basic ideas aren't used where they could possibly be. Sometimes our actions not being accepted doesn't mean we did something wrong, we need others to catch up to the changes.
Oh I also found out I don't believe in God. Or that I do. Read Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving man Korean people go to church... anyway that took the pressure of wondering if I should be more religious. (It was actually really absurd to me, the whole idea. I was like, does this mean I have to stop questioning in philosophy?)
I got really into emo pop-punk music..phase... hm pop is good because it's popular like simple esp after all the hipster music I was listening to, emo punk light metal..like deep but kinda wrong? yeah I bleached my hair alot and wore alot of eyeliner, obsessed with superheros and sailor moon and shopped at HOTTOPIC. I felt rebellious and fun and sexy and generic.
All in all I have definitely not progressed in saving the world but I have saved myself alot and I am proud of that. I think it is enough to turn 23 on, happy birthday to me!
Government shutdown! Not going to comment except that, Obama is really making an impact on the US political institution. Even if the whole affair was disastrous I am secretly happy because change (really) is happening (will happen)
The South Korean president is a woman I WAS NOT INFORMED
Alright alright Angela out
p.s. still obsessed with tumblr, trying to start a new page based on my new revelatory understanding of Ethics (knowledge as an activity, I wish my ethics prof taught me better instead of making me feel like a bad person) I'm excited.
